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Lessons From My Therapist.

To be a functioning human in today's world, we all need help. We all need to go to therapy so that we don't become the reason others may need it. As an adult who is currently in therapy, I've learnt a few things I think would benefit or even help you (hopefully).

1. You deserve nothing.

One of the first lessons I've had to learn in therapy is that we deserve nothing. This was strangely a hard pill to swallow, I understand our feelings of entitlement of thinking that because we want something, and we work hard for it, we should get it. We didn't ask to be born, but we all deserve the basics, such as; a roof over our heads, food, water, and support. But that's it!

Society has taught us that all we need to succeed is to work hard, but that is a lie. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try at something, it's not guaranteed you'll get it, and you need to be comfortable with that fact. We all would like to believe that we are the exception to the rules, but sometimes baby we are the rule, we all cannot be winners. Life is not fair, so get used to it!

2. Boundaries.

One of my favourite words in the English language is 'no'. It's taken me a while to say the word no and be completely fine with the outcome, because what are you going to do? Fight me? Once I decided to set boundaries with my parents, it was easy to set with others.  I learnt that if you tolerate nonsense from others and allow them to cross the line, it's clear they don't understand or don't care. When I realise people don't care, I then place them in categories. What do I mean by categories?

I place people in boxes and those boxes are our relationship guidelines; what do I expect from this person, what are the give and takes in this relationship? Trust me, it makes life so much easier, and it stops you from being disappointed in your expectations of people. At the end of the day, people will people, and it's best to come to grips with that. 

3. Prioritise Yourself.

I love the term “my cup runneth over”.

The original meaning, roughly, translated from the Hebrew Bible as; “I have more than enough for my needs”. However, I take this as I pour everything into myself and whatever pours over is for everyone else. I have to live for myself and put myself first because if you cannot help yourself, what is the point? You'll drown trying to save others, and that's not cute.

4. Learn yourself and learn to be by yourself.

One thing about me is I love my own company, it doesn't matter where I am, I need to spend time with myself to refill my social battery. As an ambivert, I need time to myself, so I can then be the best extrovert given the opportunities. I've found that most people don't like being alone, it's either because when they're alone, they're with their thoughts and that can be scary. I am not saying if you can't be alone you don't like yourself, but look into why being alone scares you.

Also, being by yourself gives you the chance to learn your likes and dislikes, you'll be surprised how many people only like things because of the people around them. Peer pressure is real, whether intentional or not. The more you know and understand about yourself, the less likely you'll tolerate rubbish because you know your limits.

5. Your feelings are valid, your actions are not.

You are entitled to feel the way you feel. As our favourite social media vegan, Ms Tabitha Brown, says, "That's your business." However, it is important to remember that we are responsible for how we choose to act on those feelings. It is essential to think rationally before taking any action. Emotions can only take us so far, and as we age, fewer people will tolerate impulsive behaviour.  

6. Set your life schedule

Don't let family or society tell you what and when you need to do something. The constant comparison to your peers makes you go crazy, and then you end up either being stagnant or doing something you hate. Don't shrink yourself to be on the same level as others because our goals are all different. This is something I struggled with a lot because I was always looking around and everyone seemed to know what they wanted in life, and it made me mad. What was wrong with me? Why don't I know what I want to do like others?

The first step is finding out what you want is to find out what you don't want. The next step is to plan how you're going to get it. This process is so time-consuming you will not have time to even compare yourself with others, trust me. 

I know publicly speaking about going to therapy is a relativity new concept, but it needs to be done, the more we talk about it makes it easier for people to go.

I'll leave you with this, DO NOT be the reason your children need therapy!

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