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The Elusive 'Right Time': Does it Really Exist?

Updated: Feb 23

Some people in the world believe that when something is right for you, it will come to you at the right time. What if that never happens? What happens when you wait so long that you miss the chance to receive it?

There was a point in my life when I thought I was asexual since I wasn't interested in men; hell, I wasn't even interested in women, which is a damn shame. Can you imagine my pain at only being attracted to men? Shameful.

I have been dating someone for the first time in a very long time, and I am experiencing things I haven't experienced in a while. There were instances when I was having internal monologues like, is this what it feels like to like someone? To constantly think about them? To want to be around them incessantly. I've never had an issue with relationships, and I believe that, as humans, they're needed for both emotional and physical health. My issue was that I didn't want it. The other option was dating. Men are boring, they either don't know how to express themselves, or just want sex. Which is not a problem, I've always been the type to tie sex with emotion, which is terrible for casual dating. I tried dating apps. It was fun for a while, but men continued to lie about the most obscene things, such as height, furthermore, they thought I was exaggerating about my height. You would not believe the amount of 6"3 men I met that were 5”9 at best! Why lie? You know I will see you, right? 

I didn't have the patience to date, but when I tried, here are a few things that I learned that I think will be helpful to those looking to date or already in a relationship.

Don't compromise. 

One of my favourite quotes by the marvellous Eartha Kitt is, “A man comes into my life, and I have to compromise? You must think about that one again… A relationship is a relationship that has to be earned”. 

You could say I've taken those words to heart. Now, do I believe that you cannot compromise at all in a relationship? No, of course not. However, what are you compromising? Are you compromising your standards, principles, and boundaries just to say you have someone? That's where you've lost me. I know women, and I'm sure you do too, they will take the absolute minimum a man has to offer all in the name of having a man. I don't like men, or people in general, enough to tolerate that.

Learn your love language.

As coined by Gary Chapman, 'The five love languages' are tools to help you discover how you love and want to be loved. Even if the practice of love languages is not backed by scientific research, I've found that it has benefits to help those who cannot communicate, communicate their expectations.

So, without further ado, the five main love languages are;

  1. Words of affirmation

  2. Quality time

  3. Physical touch

  4. Acts of service

  5. Receiving/giving gifts

Do you have more than one love language? That's perfectly normal, I have 2 sometimes 3 depending on if I'm ovulating.

Once you know what you want, it should then be easier to communicate with potential partners what you will or won't accept. Now, when it comes to dating, should a potential partner have to wait for you to figure out your life? No.

You don't have the right to demand people waiting on your timeline. If they want to, that's perfectly fine but I doubt it.

Be in control of your happiness.

As an avid movie watcher especially romance I love the idea of love. However, I've always had an issue when the characters realised that their happiness was dependent on their partner.

What does it mean to take responsibility for your happiness? It entails accepting accountability for your feelings, ideas, and deeds. It entails putting your attention on what is good in your life and letting go of terrible preconceptions that are holding you back. Sounds heavy doesn't it?

A way to combat this is to have a self-check-in. As women, we are forced to put others before us, even worse if you're a people pleaser. You're most likely accustomed to prioritizing the wants and emotions of others over your own. Before this becomes an excessive habit, we must ask ourselves fundamental questions, such as; "how am I feeling in this relationship with this person? Do I still want this?"

The main takeaway from this is to learn about yourself and what makes you happy, and take risks in meeting and being with people. As corny as it sounds, take a chance on love.

However, do not sacrifice yourself to be with someone else.

Nobody is worth it.

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