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Why Pro-Black Women Don't Date Black Men.

Updated: Dec 22, 2023

From a very young age, I've always considered myself to be pro-black, before I even knew that was the official term. As I got older, I discovered a deep love and appreciation for my blackness and the black women that surrounded me, the same can not be said for the men. The Black women I've encountered in my life were on a mission to better themselves and their communities for everyone, and that gave me such a heartfelt privilege to be around smart and socially aware individuals.

As a Black woman, when it comes to finding love or casually dating, my non-negotiable are and always will be; non-colourist, misogynist and homophobic men. Unfortunately, most black men I've encountered fit into one or more of those categories.

From my personal experience, when it comes to black men, they don't want equality or equity for everyone in their community, they just want the same social power as white men. Their manifesto doesn't include black women, despite most black women willingly struggling and fighting on a daily, it is normally silenced on the other end.

For example; when Kamala Harris became the VP of the United States, I saw a tweet from a black man with a high number of followers saying, "We need to make sure we centre black men in our achievement. So young black boys will have someone to look up to".

With the amount of anger that formed in my stomach, you'd think I drank a gallon of milk and my body was ready for war (I'm lactose intolerant). It is presented that black women achieving great things would not motivate or encourage our young boys to strive for the same.

Your misogyny is showing and it's ugly.

There's a popular statement going around the social media platforms and that is “black men and white women are the same”. They both experience oppression in one way but conveniently forget others do too, it doesn't help that their main goal is to have the same social standing as the white man. They both either fail to acknowledge that the word intersectionality exists, don't know the meaning, or simply do not care.

As coined by Professor Kimberlé Crenshaw;

'Intersectionality; the interconnected nature of social categorizations such as race, class, and gender as they apply to a given individual or group, regarded as creating overlapping and interdependent systems of discrimination or disadvantage'.

Yes, Black men experience racism.

Yes, White women experience sexism.

Do you know who experiences both at the same time?


The reason I say Black women can be pro-black yet choose to date outside their race is based on my life experience and conversations with black women. They tend to seek partners willing to learn and accept intersectionality, whereas black men sometimes fail to embrace it. As usual, I have to make it clear that this is not every black man. If it doesn't apply to your move along, the statement is the consensus. The only issue I see with dating outside your race is when you purposely insult your race to seem more appealing to another. It's embarrassing, and you deserve a punch in the trachea!

Loving the people who look like you and finding love within that community doesn't have to be the same, and we shouldn't be pressured to settle just to uphold an image. If wanting to find someone with the same values and wants leads you outside your race, why is that a bad thing?

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